Big Brother of Pinoy Big Brother Has a Bad Day and Decides to Be Strange
“Housemates, today’s meal is the previous evicted housemate. Special thanks to our sponsors.”
“Housemates, insert two cups of rice in your ears. Remove them after your canals have been infected. They will then be donated to starving children in Manila.”
“Housemates, there is a liposuction machine in the confession room. It can handle two usages. First come, first serve. But you would have to perform it on yourself, and the machine may or may not be infected with AIDS.”
“Housemates, go to the living room and chew your toes off. You can choose which. If you all chew both your toes off, we give a thousand dollars to a breast cancer charity. If none of you do it, we are going to kill an entire community of indiginous Filipinos in the island of Palawan.”
“Housemates, I love you all. Build an idol of me and worship me as your invisible yet vocal god. Take note that I require sacrifice once a week.”
“Housemates, you should now notice that you have been injected with a serum as you slept that causes your genitals to shrivel and die. Urethral catheters are available in the kitchen.”
“Housemates, there is a captured human being in the garden. Your task today is to mutilate him until he is unable to recognize himself in the mirror and he is praying for his death.”
“Housemates, I have taken everyone in the control room hostage. One of them is pregnant. I am pointing a gun at an intern right now. Go to hell, motherfuckers. Malayang Pilipinas! Malayang Pilipinas!”
“Housemates, this is the producer. I— I don’t know what’s happening. Please calm down. We’ve called the police. Big Brother’s just shot himself. Oh my god. I don’t know what’s happening. He placed the gun in his mouth and… oh my god…”
“Housemates, disregard the previous messages. This is Big Brother. It was all just a big mistake. Do not worry now. You are safe. Now, I’m sure you’ve noticed that you are all tied to various immobile structures in the house, and you each have saws beside you. Housemates, I want to play a game…”
